FARFETCHED FACTOIDS AT YOUR FINGERTIPS

...or, all you ever wanted to know about fanciful, farcical or far-flung bits of silly stuff floating around (looking for a nice place to plop ...just like you and me*)

Given that "the world is too much with us late and soon", and "getting and spending we lay waste our powers", I think it's high time that I made a positive contribution to life somewhere in the galaxy.

Actually, my mission is quite simple. But before getting into that, I should probably explain how I found my true calling -- a fabulous bit of frippery if ever there was one.

To make a long, shaggy dog story short (as my mother used to say), I opened the wrong door to my Destiny.

The door I chose was clearly marked. "NO ADMITTANCE -- Not Even to the Angels of Your Better Nature - And No, A Note from the Big Guy in the Sky Won't Help Either."

The only hitch was, I lost my bifocals on that fateful day ... not that I think it would have helped much. (If truth be told however, I seem to have this uncanny knack for running into potholes and tripping over the light fantastic, not to mention my own feet -- which left me with a fractured ankle in one case and broken finger-nails in another.)

Anyway, where was I ...oh yes my reason for being. Fortunately the Fairygodmother of Fortune Cookies told me that I had only one thing on my "to do list" or was it in my "Think and Doodle Book"?

According to the most recent fortune cookie I opened, I am supposed to "go fly a kite" and "let go of the need to control things".

So in that spirit, I've decided to establish a blog. Well not just any blog. "FARFETCHED FACTOIDS" is designed to provide a pleasant pit-stop along the ludricrous landscape of life. Grab your latte, toss your tie or shoes, and let's explore who kissed the blarney stone first, or how to make silk purses out of sow's ears.

By the way, if you're seeking salvation (see notes below). More to the point, please locate the nearest exit, or press the escape key on your computer. (If you can't find the escape key on your computer, clearly this is not the place for you.)

(Note 1: Try enrolling in a "Twelve Step Program to Bleepless Bliss", I've been told they work wonders on anyone needing relief from the sound of snooze alarm buttons or cell phone ringy-dingy tunes.)

(Note 2: If that doesn't work , trying communing with nature -- biffies appear to work well if contemplating your navel is the name of your game.)

(Note 3: And if all else fails, you can always try twiddling your fingers ... if nothing else you can let your digits do the walking for you which is easier than getting corns on your toes or ending up with flat feet.)

If on the other hand, you're looking for an opportunity to "get lost" (in La-La-Land in order to avoid having to ponder the merits of boiled brussel sprouts or brazed broccoli), " or you're keen on "taking a flying leap" (into a pit of silly putty and telling us all about your adventure), then you've come to the right place.

TODAY'S FARFETCHED AND FAR-FLUNG LIFE LESSON #1 - Avoid eating carrots unless you share a kinship with wiggly-nosed, white rabbits who aren't exactly on top of the food chain ... or you're prepared to carry a big stick designed to ward off evil spirits lurking about in search of that sprig of parsley you've got stuck between your two front teeth.

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*The world does not need more grammarians, English teachers, or spelling bees -- so, if you'll kindly smile and leave your tendency to correct mistakes done on purpose or by accident at the door, then you'll be making a modest contribution to making the "Wonderful World of Wonk" an inviting place to plop.