FARFETCHED FACTOID #02005 -- Fish-Eye Point of View

A fish-eye point of view can only be captured whilst peering through the lens of an underwater camera or through a pair of goggles.

Recreational divers, frog-frocked naval officers, and a whole host of politicians from the Lost City of Atlantis are said to be the most adept at seeing things from a fish-eye point of view.

What's so special about a fish-eye point of view?

Well for one thing, since fish don't sleep and therefore can't blink or bat an eye, they never miss out on any opportunity to watch, wave or simply whomp the object of their affection. And for another, without eyebrows and eyelashes, fish have no need for expensive, sometimes messy, hypoallergenic cosmetics like mascara, eye-liner or eye-shadow.

A fish-eye point of view offers a unique perspective on the wonderful world of water -- not to mention the merry mermaids, slippery sea-nymphs, salty sea-horses, and someone calling himself "Charlie The Tuna", (most small fry just keep clear of the "Big Kahuna").

The only downside of a fish-eye point of view is the fact that homo sapiens require a lot of clunky gear such as a face mask, an underwater breathing apparatus, and a pair of fins in order to play with the flotsom and jetsom floating about in the fish bowl of life or in a tank labelled "tawdry tidbits".

FARFETCHED FACTOID #01005 -- Shout Beetle

The shout beetle is a prominent member of the six-legged, wicked wench weevil family.

Among other things, it is said to inhabit all laundry detergent boxes or plastic containers.

According to hygiene product manufacturers, the shout beetle is the only "secret" ingredient found in all laundry detergents that's invisible, (well at least in all the premium brands anyway).

Scientists have been unable to determine the origin of the shout beetle or discover how it functions. Suffice to say at this point that it removes without any difficulty whatsoever all stains, spills, and splotches from wearing apparel. (And, if used correctly, it also has the added benefit of removing sentimental, sloppy, or sooty sorts of thoughts from mixed-up minds.)

A cautionary note is in order here. Whilst the shout beetle may be a marvellous cleaning additive, it can never replace the Patriarch of Purge, and Father of All Scouring, Sweeping, And Soaking Action Figures, "Mighty Mockingbird Man". (See Factoid #08005 for further details.)

FARFETCHED FACTOIDS AT YOUR FINGERTIPS

...or, all you ever wanted to know about fanciful, farcical or far-flung bits of silly stuff floating around (looking for a nice place to plop ...just like you and me*)

Given that "the world is too much with us late and soon", and "getting and spending we lay waste our powers", I think it's high time that I made a positive contribution to life somewhere in the galaxy.

Actually, my mission is quite simple. But before getting into that, I should probably explain how I found my true calling -- a fabulous bit of frippery if ever there was one.

To make a long, shaggy dog story short (as my mother used to say), I opened the wrong door to my Destiny.

The door I chose was clearly marked. "NO ADMITTANCE -- Not Even to the Angels of Your Better Nature - And No, A Note from the Big Guy in the Sky Won't Help Either."

The only hitch was, I lost my bifocals on that fateful day ... not that I think it would have helped much. (If truth be told however, I seem to have this uncanny knack for running into potholes and tripping over the light fantastic, not to mention my own feet -- which left me with a fractured ankle in one case and broken finger-nails in another.)

Anyway, where was I ...oh yes my reason for being. Fortunately the Fairygodmother of Fortune Cookies told me that I had only one thing on my "to do list" or was it in my "Think and Doodle Book"?

According to the most recent fortune cookie I opened, I am supposed to "go fly a kite" and "let go of the need to control things".

So in that spirit, I've decided to establish a blog. Well not just any blog. "FARFETCHED FACTOIDS" is designed to provide a pleasant pit-stop along the ludricrous landscape of life. Grab your latte, toss your tie or shoes, and let's explore who kissed the blarney stone first, or how to make silk purses out of sow's ears.

By the way, if you're seeking salvation (see notes below). More to the point, please locate the nearest exit, or press the escape key on your computer. (If you can't find the escape key on your computer, clearly this is not the place for you.)

(Note 1: Try enrolling in a "Twelve Step Program to Bleepless Bliss", I've been told they work wonders on anyone needing relief from the sound of snooze alarm buttons or cell phone ringy-dingy tunes.)

(Note 2: If that doesn't work , trying communing with nature -- biffies appear to work well if contemplating your navel is the name of your game.)

(Note 3: And if all else fails, you can always try twiddling your fingers ... if nothing else you can let your digits do the walking for you which is easier than getting corns on your toes or ending up with flat feet.)

If on the other hand, you're looking for an opportunity to "get lost" (in La-La-Land in order to avoid having to ponder the merits of boiled brussel sprouts or brazed broccoli), " or you're keen on "taking a flying leap" (into a pit of silly putty and telling us all about your adventure), then you've come to the right place.

TODAY'S FARFETCHED AND FAR-FLUNG LIFE LESSON #1 - Avoid eating carrots unless you share a kinship with wiggly-nosed, white rabbits who aren't exactly on top of the food chain ... or you're prepared to carry a big stick designed to ward off evil spirits lurking about in search of that sprig of parsley you've got stuck between your two front teeth.

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*The world does not need more grammarians, English teachers, or spelling bees -- so, if you'll kindly smile and leave your tendency to correct mistakes done on purpose or by accident at the door, then you'll be making a modest contribution to making the "Wonderful World of Wonk" an inviting place to plop.